1 00:00:16,181 --> 00:00:18,083 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 2 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,385 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 3 00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:24,756 ♪ go together like a horse and carriage ♪ 4 00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:28,927 ♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪ 5 00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,829 ♪ you can't have one ♪ 6 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,364 ♪ without the other ♪ 7 00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,466 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 8 00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:38,770 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 9 00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:42,807 ♪ it's an institute you can't disparage ♪ 10 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:46,544 ♪ ask the local gentry ♪ 11 00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:51,249 ♪ and they will say it's elementary ♪ 12 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:56,287 ♪ try, try, try to separate them ♪ 13 00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:59,557 ♪ it's an illusion ♪ 14 00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:02,260 ♪ try, try, try ♪ 15 00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:08,066 ♪ and you will only come to this conclusion ♪ 16 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,468 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 17 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,614 Tv reporter: Yes, christmas eve is finally here, 18 00:01:23,615 --> 00:01:26,117 And so is the new lakeside mall. 19 00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,285 Bring the little kiddies. 20 00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,287 We've got six santas. No waiting. 21 00:01:29,288 --> 00:01:32,123 And for you bigger kids, come to the red nose bar 22 00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:38,129 And meet santa's very special reindeer, donna. 23 00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,931 So come on down. We're open till midnight. 24 00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,733 Singers? 25 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,869 ♪ santa claus is coming to the lakeside mall ♪ 26 00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:50,775 Thanks for the help, kids. 27 00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:51,776 Oh, by the way, listen. 28 00:01:51,777 --> 00:01:52,777 If you're thinking 29 00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,378 About what to get old dad for christmas, 30 00:01:54,379 --> 00:01:55,413 Don't worry about it. 31 00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:57,415 You've already given it to him. 32 00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:59,851 It's called a hernia. 33 00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:02,887 Dad, can we go to that new lakeside mall? 34 00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:05,890 Kelly can shop, you can get bombed, 35 00:02:05,891 --> 00:02:09,761 And I can ride santa's very special reindeer. 36 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,530 Dad, why don't we get bud one of those scratching posts 37 00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:13,598 To rub against? 38 00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,700 You know, it'll save the furniture. 39 00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:18,136 You really want to save the furniture, kel? 40 00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:21,906 Why don't you stop putting notches on your bedposts? 41 00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:24,275 Now, bud, apologize to your sister. 42 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,409 No. 43 00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:26,978 Okay. 44 00:02:28,647 --> 00:02:31,116 So, dad, can we go to that new lakeside mall? 45 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,717 No, we can't, and I'll tell you why. 46 00:02:32,718 --> 00:02:34,986 That mall is killing your father. 47 00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:37,688 Oh, I thought mom was doing that. 48 00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:40,725 Let me tell you kids something about that lakeside mall. 49 00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:43,228 It's taken all the business from my mall, 50 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,562 Which, if this continues, 51 00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:46,364 We'll be broke and living in a cardboard box 52 00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,732 Under the el. 53 00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:50,735 Not us. We'll be in a nice warm foster home. 54 00:02:50,736 --> 00:02:52,237 Come on. Let's go, kel. 55 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,337 Nobody move. 56 00:02:53,338 --> 00:02:55,339 That mall's not so great. 57 00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:58,342 Just a bunch of stores filled with cheap, gaudy merchandise 58 00:02:58,343 --> 00:02:59,610 That only appeals 59 00:02:59,611 --> 00:03:01,445 To the tasteless, low-class shopper. 60 00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:07,652 ♪ santa claus is coming to the lakeside mall ♪ 61 00:03:07,653 --> 00:03:10,655 Oh, god, I love that lakeside mall. 62 00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:12,657 Al, give me some money. I'm going back. 63 00:03:12,658 --> 00:03:13,925 Anyone want to come with me? 64 00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:14,959 I do, I do. Yeah. 65 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:15,994 Peggy, 66 00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:17,361 I'm ashamed of you. 67 00:03:17,362 --> 00:03:18,863 I know, al. 68 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,767 Don't you understand? 69 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,535 If people keep shopping there, 70 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,370 We'll be broke and living under the el. 71 00:03:26,371 --> 00:03:30,141 Oh, not me. I can always remarry. 72 00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,709 And we'll be in a foster home. 73 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:32,844 Let's go shopping. 74 00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:34,712 Family, before you go, 75 00:03:34,713 --> 00:03:36,247 Would you bring old dad his shotgun 76 00:03:36,248 --> 00:03:38,582 And stand close together? 77 00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:40,151 Come on, al. 78 00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,385 I only go to that mall 79 00:03:41,386 --> 00:03:44,022 Because it's so much closer and better than your mall. 80 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:46,524 I mean, it's not like I was buying shoes there. 81 00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:52,330 You should see it, honey. 82 00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,798 For christmas, they have these little elves 83 00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:55,566 That help you with your packages, 84 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:59,137 And a real reindeer for the kids to ride... 85 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:01,405 Although I think he may be dying. 86 00:04:01,406 --> 00:04:02,941 Well, then, let's hurry. 87 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,175 Yeah, come on, al. 88 00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:07,011 Santa is parachuting into the mall at 5:00. 89 00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:08,012 All right! 90 00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:09,113 Oh, come on. 91 00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:11,615 That's not what christmas is about. 92 00:04:11,616 --> 00:04:15,119 Christmas is about family and giving. 93 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:19,690 Okay, here's all the crap my family gave us last year. 94 00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:22,193 It's time for the traditional rewrapping 95 00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:23,461 Of this garbage 96 00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:24,595 For your family. 97 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:25,964 Now... 98 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,034 Well, all except aunt pooh's fruitcake. 99 00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,569 Everyone in the family already got that. 100 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:33,938 Dad, you punted that around the house last year. 101 00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:37,675 All right. We'll give it to steve and marcie. 102 00:04:37,676 --> 00:04:39,310 Now, has anyone picked out a tree yet? 103 00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:41,112 Oh, you know, the tree in the ginty house 104 00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:42,446 Sure is pretty this year. 105 00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:44,448 It's got lots of tinsel on it. 106 00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,084 That'll be our tree. 107 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:47,785 Now, kids, that's your job. 108 00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,620 He throws it out the day after christmas, 109 00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:50,821 So bring it home. 110 00:04:50,822 --> 00:04:52,190 Right, dad. 111 00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:54,825 That about does it for christmas this year. 112 00:04:54,826 --> 00:04:57,461 Oh, I'm tired. 113 00:04:57,462 --> 00:05:00,365 Aren't you forgetting something, 114 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,933 Greatest daddy in the world? 115 00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,168 Coolest dad in the universe. 116 00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:07,038 You, who makes my life worth living. 117 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:09,140 You all want your presents, don't you? 118 00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:13,477 No. We really love you. 119 00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:15,079 Ah, life stinks. 120 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,314 Well, okay. 121 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,816 Let me go get my christmas bonus, 122 00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:20,952 And then I'll go buy your presents. 123 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:23,421 Dad, you didn't get our presents yet? 124 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,756 It's christmas eve. The stores are going to be packed. 125 00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,692 Not in my mall, son. 126 00:05:32,631 --> 00:05:34,165 Okay. He's gone. 127 00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,666 Now for daddy's present. 128 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,669 Bud, run upstairs and get a tie out of daddy's closet. 129 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,171 I'll get a box. 130 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:41,605 Oh, no, no, no. Wait. 131 00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:44,608 It's christmas. We should make it special for him. 132 00:05:44,609 --> 00:05:48,479 Bud, get one of his shirts too. 133 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,916 Oh, gosh. I just love christmas. 134 00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:56,620 I can't wait to see daddy's face 135 00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:59,357 When he opens it. 136 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,925 That's his favorite shirt. 137 00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:03,194 Yeah, I saw a belt up there 138 00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:04,728 That would be great for his birthday. 139 00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:06,431 [doorbell rings] 140 00:06:11,536 --> 00:06:13,537 Hi. Do the rhoades live here? 141 00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:14,605 Why? 142 00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:17,108 I have a delivery for them. 143 00:06:17,109 --> 00:06:18,709 Oh, why, yes. I'm mrs. Rhoades. 144 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,279 Oh, thank you. 145 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,282 Oh, gee. I don't have any change. 146 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,451 Bud, could you take care of that, please? 147 00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,524 Thank you, dear. 148 00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:36,527 Oh, kids, look at what we got 149 00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:40,764 From, uh... The schmidts from philadelphia. 150 00:06:40,765 --> 00:06:42,400 Hey, honey. 151 00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:45,436 Look what we got from the schmidts. 152 00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:48,572 Ah, they're good people. 153 00:06:48,573 --> 00:06:51,575 Uh, dad, I don't see any presents. 154 00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:53,344 He probably has them in the car, stupid. 155 00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:54,979 Don't you, dad? 156 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,282 Well, you know how, even when we didn't have too much, 157 00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:00,284 We could always look at the poor people 158 00:07:00,285 --> 00:07:01,552 Who were less fortunate than us 159 00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:03,388 And feel better. 160 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,256 Well, let's find a mirror. 161 00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:07,992 Business was so bad, 162 00:07:07,993 --> 00:07:10,061 I didn't get a christmas bonus this year. 163 00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,330 Oh, al, no. 164 00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:14,432 You mean we told you we loved you for nothing? 165 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,969 So you're telling us there's no reason to live. 166 00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:20,438 Yes, I am. 167 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:25,476 Dad, I'm not like the others. 168 00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,578 I don't care if you have no money. 169 00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:29,480 You're still my father and I love you. 170 00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:30,981 Thanks, son. 171 00:07:30,982 --> 00:07:33,984 You're really getting me a present, right, dad? 172 00:07:33,985 --> 00:07:35,986 You're just cutting out the women. 173 00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:37,121 Good, because you should hear 174 00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,057 How they talk about you. 175 00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,725 Nobody gets a present, son. 176 00:07:41,726 --> 00:07:43,627 Pretty low, dad. 177 00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:51,269 Al, christmas without presents will be like our birthdays. 178 00:07:52,671 --> 00:07:55,506 Happy birthday, hon. 179 00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,308 I know what we can do. 180 00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,976 Let's go down to the lakeside mall. 181 00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:00,078 Santa's going to drop 182 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,613 Gift certificates when he jumps from the plane. 183 00:08:02,614 --> 00:08:05,583 Let's trample the weak and get all we can. 184 00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,553 Go to the mall that killed me. 185 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,154 [doorbell rings] 186 00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,358 ♪ we wish you a merry christmas ♪ 187 00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:16,094 Both: ♪ we wish you a merry christmas ♪ 188 00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:17,595 ♪ we wish you a merry christmas ♪ 189 00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:19,630 ♪ and a happy new year ♪ 190 00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:22,133 Delivery from santa for the bundys. 191 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,135 Aw, gee... Well, thank you. 192 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,636 Good thing they're labeled. 193 00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:27,972 I wouldn't want to get them mixed up 194 00:08:27,973 --> 00:08:30,408 With the presents al gave us. 195 00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,610 What did peggy get you, al? 196 00:08:32,611 --> 00:08:35,313 Irregularity. 197 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,881 And these two. 198 00:08:37,882 --> 00:08:39,717 Al, have you been to that new mall? 199 00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:41,586 It is a sea of people. Traffic is unbelievable. 200 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,387 Didn't ease up till we got near your mall. 201 00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:45,756 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me my present, steve. 202 00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:49,560 Al, we thought long and hard about this, 203 00:08:49,561 --> 00:08:51,929 And then we came up with the perfect gift. 204 00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:52,830 Here. 205 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,834 We donated some money in your name 206 00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:58,736 To the national organization for women. 207 00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,371 Merry christmas. 208 00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:04,074 Oh, that's great. 209 00:09:04,075 --> 00:09:07,011 Do I get tickets to their 10k man-stomp? 210 00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:09,046 All right. It's our turn. 211 00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,515 What do we get? What do we get? 212 00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:15,953 A fruitcake. 213 00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:17,054 With a footprint on it. 214 00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,022 Mm. 215 00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,459 Well, thank you. 216 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,528 Hey, do you mind if we turn on the tv? 217 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:24,728 It's time for the news. 218 00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,063 Maybe they'll show santa parachuting in 219 00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:27,265 To the lakeside mall. 220 00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:29,267 Oh, come on. It's the news. 221 00:09:29,268 --> 00:09:30,768 There's plenty of important stuff on there. 222 00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,370 I'm sure they're going to spend their time 223 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:33,538 To promote a mall. 224 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:36,674 Well, connie, I'm here 225 00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:39,177 At the jam-packed lakeside mall. 226 00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:41,612 And if their low prices aren't enough, 227 00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:44,382 Santa, wearing a pair of high-top reeboks 228 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,384 Available at weejee's in the mall, 229 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:49,119 Will be parachuting in any minute now. 230 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,556 And they wonder who's going to fill cronkite's shoes. 231 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:52,590 Shh! 232 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,091 There's the piper cub 233 00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:56,594 Coming out of the clouds now, 234 00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:59,096 And santa just made the jump. 235 00:09:59,097 --> 00:10:01,098 What a beautiful freefall. 236 00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:02,667 And don't forget, 237 00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,069 He's coming with a sack filled with gift certificates 238 00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:06,070 For the lakeside mall, 239 00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:07,338 That's the lakeside mall, 240 00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:10,974 Where shopping isn't just fun, it's news. 241 00:10:10,975 --> 00:10:12,376 Come on! Shh! 242 00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,445 Wow, look at him fly. 243 00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:17,981 Why is he flapping his arms like that? 244 00:10:17,982 --> 00:10:21,485 Santa's chute doesn't seem to be opening. 245 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,923 Oh, he's being blown off course. 246 00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:27,925 Our cameras have lost him! 247 00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:32,430 Ladies and gentlemen, we don't know where he is. 248 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,997 [tree limbs crack] 249 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:37,335 [heavy thump] 250 00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,317 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 251 00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:54,418 Oh, my god. 252 00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:55,620 Oh, my god. 253 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,521 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 254 00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,230 Hey, peg. 255 00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,532 You know what we ought to do tonight? 256 00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,168 We ought to make some christmas cookies. 257 00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:13,804 Oh, yeah, and maybe some eggnog with nutmeg. 258 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:16,440 You ghouls! 259 00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:17,808 Don't you understand? 260 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:21,245 There's a splattered santa all over your yard. 261 00:11:21,246 --> 00:11:23,281 What do you want me to do, steve? 262 00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,549 Quit eating? 263 00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,618 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 264 00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:29,186 Oh, my god. 265 00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:31,088 Could you keep her quiet? 266 00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:33,891 We're trying to have a christmas here. 267 00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:36,761 Well, that about wraps it up out there, 268 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,629 Except for a few questions for the coroner's report, 269 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,897 If you don't mind. 270 00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:42,333 Did you know the deceased? 271 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:46,637 Well, you know, I've read about him in books, 272 00:11:46,638 --> 00:11:49,440 But in books, he's usually going up. 273 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,843 So that's a no. 274 00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,312 Did anyone actually see him fall? 275 00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,580 I wish. 276 00:11:58,883 --> 00:12:02,620 You know, um, son, I don't want you get confused here, okay? 277 00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,888 The real santa would have never jumped out of a plane 278 00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:07,458 With a bottle of muscatel in each hand. 279 00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,393 No, the real santa, he's alive and well 280 00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:11,128 And he's living at the north pole, 281 00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,897 And he'll visit your house real soon. 282 00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,299 I'm sure he'll find it. 283 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,667 It shouldn't be too hard. 284 00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:18,636 Just follow the buzzards. 285 00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:25,008 Uh... 286 00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:27,911 Is that your shoe, al? 287 00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:30,381 Nope. 288 00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:31,915 Oh, my god. 289 00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,851 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 290 00:12:33,852 --> 00:12:36,320 You know, mr. Bundy, that's evidence. 291 00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,322 Aw, what the hell. It's christmas. 292 00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:40,691 Let him keep it. 293 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:43,260 Santa's gone. 294 00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,863 I'll never be able to enjoy christmas again. 295 00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:47,498 Well, you're in the right place. 296 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,001 Come on, marcie. These things happen. 297 00:12:51,002 --> 00:12:54,772 When has this happened? 298 00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:57,140 Come on, marcie. Cheer up. 299 00:12:57,141 --> 00:12:58,409 It could've been worse. 300 00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:01,144 He could've landed on the picket fence. 301 00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:10,020 Now, calm down and have some christmas pizza. 302 00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,523 [bells jingling] 303 00:13:14,158 --> 00:13:15,393 Oh, my god. 304 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,661 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 305 00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:20,297 Merry christmas, folks. 306 00:13:20,298 --> 00:13:22,266 Yeah, yeah. God bless us, every one. 307 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:26,970 Kids: We want santa! 308 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,140 Uh-oh. 309 00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,742 What's wrong now? 310 00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:35,479 Did the easter bunny hang himself in my front yard? 311 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,981 Uh, no. There's kids out there. 312 00:13:37,982 --> 00:13:39,583 This might have a bad effect on them, 313 00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,785 This being christmas 314 00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,220 And santa here looking like tree sap and all. 315 00:13:43,221 --> 00:13:45,355 We can't take him out there now. 316 00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:47,024 Swing him back over that way, boys. Come on. 317 00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:48,659 [bells jingling] 318 00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,160 Oh, my god. 319 00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,830 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 320 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:55,165 It's okay, marcie. Come on. 321 00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,667 I'll take you home. 322 00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:57,835 Yes, home, 323 00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,336 Where perry como sings 324 00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:02,272 And santa's still alive. 325 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,575 Is santa okay? 326 00:14:04,576 --> 00:14:05,843 We heard he landed in your yard. 327 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,010 Yeah! Yeah! 328 00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:08,679 Oh, yes. He's fine. 329 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,683 He's a fat, jolly man, and he'll never leave us. 330 00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:15,986 As long as there's a christmas, there'll be... 331 00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:20,691 Killers! 332 00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:22,593 I'm going to take marcie upstairs 333 00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:23,994 And lay her down. 334 00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:25,395 Put her on our bed. 335 00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:28,031 Steve, I'm afraid. 336 00:14:28,032 --> 00:14:31,134 I'll lay down newspaper. 337 00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:34,605 Hey, this bag o' santa's getting pretty heavy over here. 338 00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:37,107 Oh, just put him over by the presents. 339 00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,510 There's plenty of room there. 340 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:42,513 You know, no matter how many bodies I handle, 341 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,515 Christmas corpses always get me down. 342 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,116 Well, that's it. 343 00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:47,952 Now, listen. We're trying to have a holiday here. 344 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,820 So why don't you get out of here 345 00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:51,589 And take the spirit of christmas with you? 346 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,958 Hey, I'd love to, mr. Grinch, 347 00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,360 But I'm not taking him out there with those kids out there. 348 00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:58,762 Al, get rid of those kids. 349 00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,632 If I knew how to do that, we wouldn't have ours. 350 00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:05,002 Okay, everybody. 351 00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:06,537 Uh... Boys and girls, 352 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:09,573 Uh, and you, tony... 353 00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:11,675 Uh, santa's okay. 354 00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:15,713 Now, he just had a little bit of mrs. Bundy's cooking, 355 00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,782 And he's in the bathroom, bent over, 356 00:15:18,783 --> 00:15:20,551 But he's going to be fine. 357 00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:22,052 So... Go home. 358 00:15:22,053 --> 00:15:24,221 All: We want to see him! 359 00:15:24,222 --> 00:15:25,455 No! 360 00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:31,862 I'm rolling him out right now. 361 00:15:31,863 --> 00:15:33,130 Al, they're children. 362 00:15:33,131 --> 00:15:35,365 This will grow them up. 363 00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:37,601 Sorry, bundy. Can't let you do that. 364 00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:39,003 For the sake of their mental health, 365 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,872 That body's not going anywhere till those kids have left. 366 00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:44,374 You know, pizza, it always reminds me 367 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,309 Of my first day on the job. 368 00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:55,252 Al, you know what you have to do. 369 00:15:56,054 --> 00:15:58,155 All: We want santa! 370 00:15:58,156 --> 00:15:59,990 Come on, santa! 371 00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,291 Ho ho ho. 372 00:16:01,292 --> 00:16:03,293 Hi, everybody. 373 00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:06,263 Yay, santa! 374 00:16:06,264 --> 00:16:07,731 Thank you. Thank you. 375 00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:08,899 I'm fine. 376 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,901 I landed on my belly. 377 00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,570 Ho ho ho. 378 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,072 Merry christmas, each and every one. 379 00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:16,239 And remember, 380 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,943 I know when you've been sleeping. 381 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,579 I know when you're awake. 382 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,582 You, joey, I know it was you who lit that bag of doody 383 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,150 And put it on the bundy porch, 384 00:16:27,151 --> 00:16:30,054 So you're out of luck this christmas. 385 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,256 But the rest of you will get plenty, 386 00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:35,759 And remember, santa's not at the lakeside mall. 387 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,629 Santa hates the lakeside mall. 388 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,598 Go on home now and torture your parents. 389 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:41,665 Ho ho ho. 390 00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,834 But what did you bring us? 391 00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:46,704 Uh, noth-- 392 00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,171 Nothing yet. 393 00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:50,373 That's why I got to get back to the north pole 394 00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:52,209 With dancer and prancer 395 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:56,546 And, uh... Donald and goofy. 396 00:16:56,547 --> 00:16:58,515 But we haven't told you what we want. 397 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:00,050 Santa knows. 398 00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:03,553 Then what do I want? 399 00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,288 I don't know. What do you want? 400 00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,357 I want to sit on your lap. 401 00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:09,960 Uh, all right, but make it fast. 402 00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,195 Santa has hemorrhoids. 403 00:17:14,465 --> 00:17:16,066 Um... What do you want? 404 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,636 I want to know why you came to old man bundy's house. 405 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,804 Oh, well, I came to bring him special presents 406 00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:22,806 Because he sells women's shoes 407 00:17:22,807 --> 00:17:27,310 And is cursed with a foul wife and has ungrateful kids, 408 00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:29,346 But still, he goes on. 409 00:17:29,347 --> 00:17:31,815 But he's a butthead. 410 00:17:34,418 --> 00:17:36,586 No, he's not. 411 00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:38,922 He's the nicest man on the block. 412 00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:40,791 Boy, you must be santa. 413 00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,993 I told you I was. What do you want? 414 00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:44,762 I want a real live horse. 415 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:45,929 Hmm. 416 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,464 Your mom's the one 417 00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,067 Who makes pies for everyone in the neighborhood 418 00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:53,303 But those nice bundys, isn't she? 419 00:17:53,304 --> 00:17:54,471 All right, well, 420 00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:56,173 Santa will leave you a horse tonight 421 00:17:56,174 --> 00:17:57,507 Under your tree, 422 00:17:57,508 --> 00:17:59,109 But if it's not there in the morning, 423 00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:01,111 It's because your mommy chased it away 424 00:18:01,112 --> 00:18:02,780 And killed it. 425 00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:06,383 Next. 426 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,321 Aah! 427 00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:14,124 Ah, don't jump on santa's lap too hard, little girl. 428 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,259 Mrs. Claus won't like that. 429 00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,397 No, no, nestor, 430 00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:21,832 Despite what your mom says, 431 00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:26,070 Mr. Bundy doesn't really sprout a tail at midnight, 432 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,739 But here's a special christmas gift for daddy. 433 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,141 Tell him to come home for lunch some day 434 00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:33,476 Around when mr. Mailman's there 435 00:18:33,477 --> 00:18:36,246 With a special delivery for mommy. 436 00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:40,250 That'll be a real yuletide treat for old dad. 437 00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:42,519 But what do I get? 438 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,189 A new home and a fresh new mommy. 439 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,124 Ho ho ho. 440 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,659 Well, old santa's got to hit the road, 441 00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:50,894 But I'm going to go in 442 00:18:50,895 --> 00:18:52,529 And say goodbye to my favorite family, 443 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:53,597 The bundys. 444 00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:54,965 Be nice to them, 445 00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:57,467 Or you won't get christmas gifts next year. 446 00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,938 Kid: Santa smells like beer! 447 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,140 Catch me in five minutes, I'll smell like hard liquor. 448 00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,141 Ho ho ho. 449 00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:06,143 On, dondi. 450 00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,244 On, dumbo. 451 00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:09,512 Hi-ho, silver. Away! 452 00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,548 Yay, santa! 453 00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:16,686 Well, they're gone. 454 00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:19,656 All dead guys and non-relatives, out. 455 00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:21,458 So long, kel. 456 00:19:21,459 --> 00:19:23,627 Yeah, like they really intended to have you. 457 00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:26,930 Now, kids. We wanted both of you. 458 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,767 It was your father I didn't plan on. 459 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,435 I'm feeling a little better now. 460 00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:35,372 Oh, no! He was better off dead. 461 00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,473 Ho ho ho. 462 00:19:36,474 --> 00:19:37,507 [doorbell rings] 463 00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:38,876 Oh, great. 464 00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,578 It's probably an elf with a knife in his back. 465 00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:44,614 Hi. 466 00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,016 Is this the house 467 00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,885 Where the, uh... Yuletide incident occurred? 468 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:48,986 What's it to you? 469 00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,553 Well, I'm from the lakeside mall, 470 00:19:50,554 --> 00:19:52,156 And I just wanted to offer our apologies 471 00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:54,191 For any inconvenience this may have caused you. 472 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,726 Hey, no problem. No inconvenience. 473 00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:58,095 You just took all my business, 474 00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,163 Cost me my bonus, 475 00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:00,764 Made my family hate me. 476 00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:02,565 That's right. 477 00:20:02,566 --> 00:20:04,201 And on top of all that, 478 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,103 You slam-dunked santa into my backyard 479 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,338 And almost ruined christmas for every kid in the neighborhood. 480 00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:09,539 Almost? 481 00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:12,509 Well, you see, my husband dressed up as santa 482 00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,845 So the kids would know he was okay. 483 00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,980 By the way, love your mall. 484 00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,282 We've got it all. 485 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:22,352 So, no one around here knows what really happened, huh? 486 00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:24,955 Nope. Thanks to me. 487 00:20:24,956 --> 00:20:26,656 Hey, that ought to be worth something, huh? 488 00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:29,559 Not anymore. 489 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,863 I mean, if the kids think santa's okay, santa's okay, 490 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,064 So why should I bribe you 491 00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:36,333 To say something you've already said? 492 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,367 It would be stupid, 493 00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:38,969 Kind of like paying that dead guy 494 00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:42,306 For disappointing a whole parking lot full of kids. 495 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,674 I'm saving money right and left here. 496 00:20:44,675 --> 00:20:48,278 It's the best christmas I've ever had. 497 00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:50,347 Well, that about wraps it up here. 498 00:20:50,348 --> 00:20:51,648 Roll him out, boys. 499 00:20:51,649 --> 00:20:53,817 You know, bundy, you're a decent guy, 500 00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:56,320 So here's a little tip from me to you. 501 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,922 Don't die with your jewelry on, huh? 502 00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,795 Well, al, look at it this way. 503 00:21:05,796 --> 00:21:07,464 You did a nice thing, 504 00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:10,767 Cost us a nice bribe and a shot at a happy christmas. 505 00:21:10,768 --> 00:21:12,202 Thank your father, kids. 506 00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,071 Thanks, dad. Thanks, dad. 507 00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,907 Yeah, I know I let everybody down. 508 00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,508 It's okay, dad. 509 00:21:18,509 --> 00:21:20,744 It's not like this never happened before. 510 00:21:20,745 --> 00:21:21,778 Yeah. 511 00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,813 I mean, the santa corpse was a new twist, 512 00:21:23,814 --> 00:21:26,116 But heck, it's something to tell a psychiatrist 513 00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:27,584 Later on in life. 514 00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:30,620 Yes, it's a bundy christmas... 515 00:21:30,621 --> 00:21:33,623 And unfortunately, we're bundys. 516 00:21:33,624 --> 00:21:34,691 [clunk] 517 00:21:34,692 --> 00:21:35,993 What's that? 518 00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:38,028 I don't know, but if it's dead and has a red nose, 519 00:21:38,029 --> 00:21:39,496 We'll throw it in steve and marcie's yard. 520 00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:47,470 What is it, al? 521 00:21:47,471 --> 00:21:49,306 I don't know. It looks like it fell off the roof. 522 00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,540 Hey, look! 523 00:21:50,541 --> 00:21:52,509 It's $10 certificates from the lakeside mall. 524 00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:53,710 Hundreds of them! 525 00:21:53,711 --> 00:21:55,913 It must have been the bag santa had when he jumped! 526 00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:57,680 Oh, we're rich! We're rich! 527 00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:58,982 I found it! 528 00:21:58,983 --> 00:22:00,217 Thank your father, kids. 529 00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:01,518 Thanks, dad. Thanks, dad. 530 00:22:01,519 --> 00:22:03,353 Let's go bust the mall. 531 00:22:03,354 --> 00:22:06,656 But first, a moment of silence, 532 00:22:06,657 --> 00:22:10,928 As we owe a lot to that jolly, flat man. 533 00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:13,964 Okay, let's go! 534 00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:15,665 [kids shrieking] 535 00:22:15,666 --> 00:22:19,869 ♪ although it's been said ♪ 536 00:22:19,870 --> 00:22:23,173 ♪ many times, many ways ♪ 537 00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:29,813 ♪ merry christmas ♪ 538 00:22:29,814 --> 00:22:36,019 ♪ to you ♪ 539 00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:44,594 [♪]